It's not my fault that I'm so late with this week's installment - it's my team. You see, they suck so much that I had to take them to an undisclosed location for a little extra practice.
On to the update:
Invent Blog (9-0) remains undefeated. I'd like to say Unbillable Hours (2-6-1) put up a noble fight, but they didn't. It's tough to win when your entire team is outscored by only two of their players - Tiki and Gates combined for nearly 200 yards of total offense and 5 TDs. Ouch. This win also clinched a playoff spot for Invent Blog.
In the battle for mediocrity, Promote the Progress (3-6) put in a valiant but losing effort against Bizz Bang Buzz (3-4-2). Brees' 4 TDs weren't enough to make up for big games by Trent Green and Shaun Alexander. It would have been fitting if Bizz Bang Buzz picked up his 3rd tie of the year, I guess. (What ever happened to OVERTIME?). Seriously... these guys don't even do “shitty“ well.
TechLawAdvisor (7-2) had a convincing win over the Libertarians (6-3), despite playing an injured Duce Staley. Of course, not wanting to be outdone, Libertarians had two guys out on bye. (You guys know you don't get bonus points or anything if they're on bye, right?). The sad thing is, they were battling for second place and both outscored my usual number. Ouch. Kevin capitalized on the resurgent Bucaneers with 2 TDs from Griese and 3 from Pittman.
Ernie the Attorney (5-4) had an important win in the run for the playoffs over Patently Obvious (6-3). After a slow start, Ernie has now won 4 straight. Unfazed by the loss of his starting QB, Ernie sent in the kicker... who my starting QB (McNair) has thrown more TDs than only once this week. Ouch.
The Importance Of... (2-6-1) might want to learn the importance of playing defense. Pittsburgh's 13 points rode pine for the bye-week Titans, and Jimmy Smith was also in despite the bye. Then again, it might not have mattered - CRC's Inducers (4-5) have continued their inducing ways behind the strong play of Peyton.
It is well established that my team sucks. I mean, we're talking “Miami Dolphins“ bad. Like the Republican monopoly on morality, I have a monopoly on “shitty“. (Hmm, did I mean by that? :). And I don't subscribe to the “we'll just play some guys on bye“ type of sucking that some owners in this league run with - we get our ass on the field and still suck.
So what does that say about Actual Malice (3-6), who lost against a team named Bye Week (2-7)? Apparently our new acquisition, A-Train, didn't get the memo about how much we're supposed to suck. To add insult to injury, I even played without a kicker.
On a related note, my team has been re-branded “Injured Reserve“ in light of all the injuries. McNair has been in and out all season and will most likely not be playing this week. Thinking he was a one week wonder, I picked up and traded Reuben Droughns for Stephen Davis. Stephen Davis just went on the injured reserve. I also traded Chris Brown for Randy Moss, who hasn't played in three weeks. Suggs missed the first half of the season with a neck stinger and is now splitting carries with Willie Green - the same guy who was stabbed by his wife last year.
But at least I have a kicker now.